Research shows that all marital couples long to know whether or not they matter to their spouse. So much so that there is a real fear in all of us that is afraid that if I reach for my partner will they be there for me or reject me. I believe that we are made this way and we are made for dependence.
Problems arise when we try to reject how we are made. We are created for relationship. We long for relationship and will go to extraordinary lengths to have connection. But its in this same vain that we can go to idol worship (i.e. addiction). We are terrified of being rejected and abandoned. We wouldn't be human if we were not scared.
The problem isn't the fear of being abandoned and rejected. It is what we do in order to not feel the fear. Our heart is made to have feelings. Fear can be a great feeling because it lets us know that something or someone matters to us. It is like a flash light illuminating something of importance (i.e. our heart).