The real problem

Fundamentally, I view our struggles not as mental disorders but rather as relational wounds. For many of us, these wounds didn't occur in our adult life but rather in our early childhood. But understanding our childhood can be very difficult. I liken it to walking into a movie halfway in and trying to understand what all you missed. For so many, there were no distinct memories of abuse, trauma, or chaos in the family. If you relate to this, then you are not alone in trying to understand what happened. In fact, it can be very shaming in the sense that you don't have any specific thing / event to tie your addiction / struggle too. For others, there was overt abuse, and that brings its own set of challenges and pain. Regardless, part of counseling is to make sense of your story so that you can understand your life story accurately. The goal is to name not blame. It is too look graciously at oneself and your past. 

It is relationship that heals us. It is learning a new set of language, tools, and approach to doing relationship that allows us to enter into healing. The goal is to never "try" harder. Rather, it is more letting go and than anything. That is a great paradox in recovery.  

Learning to Cry

There has been a quote from Richard Rohr that has stuck with me for some time. He says, "the young man who cannot cry is a savage and the old man who cannot laugh is a fool". I connected with this quote because I felt like I was that young man before I came into recovery. I researched that quote and found that it was found in a speech given to Yale's Medical Students. The speech was titled "Sadness" and was centered on male initiation and men as learners. He found that across every society both current and historical, young men had to be taught how to cry. That leads me to the question then, "how do we learn how to cry?" Here is Rohr's article..."Sadness"